Random Thoughts On “Being the Change I wish to See in the World”

Expected read time: 10 minutes

When I began my last Random Thoughts post, there were 2 remarks I wanted to discuss. I ended up only choosing one at the time since I did not want the post venturing into too many different areas.

The result was great- I got a lot off my chest, and nothing but excellent feedback/insight (which doesn’t inherently mean positive, but this time around it exclusively was).

Today I will discuss not only the other comment from a close friend and mentor, but break a few rules and venture into multiple topics.

In blogging theory this is not a wise idea, but then again I expected my previous post on Strength Training to generate dozens of negative comments- of which, there were virtually none. In fact that post seemed to attract a higher quality and quantity of comments than anything I have ever written.

To hell with norms and rules, let’s think outside the box, together =).

Comment from a close friend and mentor, as well as my father

This comment originated from one of my best friends, and more recently my father (coincidence?).

It is in relation to…everything I do, but in particular The 21 Convention and The Dream Lounge (and anything extending from TDL, such as Dream Vitality).

I am unable to remember the exact wording of the comment but the essence of it (from my perspective) was along the lines of

What is your long term plan? What are your goals? Where is all of this heading? Better step back into reality.

…

There are a few comments I’ve heard repeated about me throughout my life, that have stuck out above all the rest time and time again.

One is that I’m brutally honest, genuine, and will “tell you how it is, no BS”.

I believe this is one of my biggest strengths, and biggest weaknesses. A strength because it is an increasingly rare- and therefore valuable- character trait to possess.

A weakness because I completely lack the ability to lie, or BS my way out of much of anything.

I just can’t do it, you’d know the second I tried.

This manifests in various ways- such as writing sales copy for XYZ project/event/endeavor. It always reads as a statement of the facts, instead of as an emotional appeal.

Hence, I’ve managed (had) to maneuver my way around sales copy and traditional “marketing”- for the most part.

The second comment is that I most often, “live in my own reality” (usually this is verbalized a bit more abrasively).

This again, is both a gift and a curse.

For one, I believe it’s those who choose not to accept “reality”, that end up making significant changes in the world- the people that set trends and do things most deem impossible.

While I’m humble enough at this point to appreciate that I haven’t changed the entire world, I do understand that I have changed the world for many individuals.

I also understand that while many of my endeavors have not been the most significant on a grand scale, they have been significantly interesting to multiple thousands of people.

And again, I see this not as a result of conforming to other peoples ideals, but to some degree, bending “reality” to my own standards- and in the process making really cool things happen, for everyone.

This often leaves me looking like a bit of a nut job- but it’s a small price to pay to see my dreams become reality.

An interesting term at this point of the post now, isn’t it?

Back to my friend’s remark (and more recently, my father’s)

Where is it all heading? What is the goal? What are you going to do with your life?

My initial response to this is something along of the lines of….why the hell are you asking me? I have no idea.

I’m 20 years old!

But, I thought about it…

I reflected on various events in my life that have happened since finding the “pickup community”- and saying to myself that I do not have to accept my life situation.

And I thought about the one underlying theme that has been with me from a young age- perhaps not as apparent when I was younger, but still there.

I realized, this same theme is playing out even now, with the friend I most look up to, and my own father.

It’s the theme of being the leader of leaders.

I don’t know how to phrase it any better. It has been present since my time spent in high school football, with my former best friend Curtis Noll and progressively more apparent as time has passed and I’ve “come into my own” a bit more.

…

A while back I commented that my older sister asked me “what do you do with your time?”. I said that she did not ask me because she actually wanted to know, but was more interested in hearing ideas- not unlike adults asking small children what they want to become when they “grow up”.

I think this same concept applies for my closest mentor, and even father to some degree.

It’s as if I’m growing up so fast it’s peaking everyone’s curiosity, and in the process those that I once learned from are now asking me for advice…indirectly, and perhaps unknowingly- all because they sense a level of “certainty” in me that they currently lack (or more so, believe they lack).

Perhaps what’s even more interesting is that there is a slight hint of animosity in both of their voices when they ask me these- somewhat vague and undefined- questions.

Which is startling if I’m not imagining it, which, I doubt I am, due to previous similar situations.

One worthy of mention is a convention speaker from 2007 and 2008 that was unable to make it this year. He has been a strong supporter of the convention since it’s founding- and a major help along the way.

The 2009 event went amazing of course- unfortunately without him.

I thought he would be excited to hear this, but in fact nearly the opposite was true. This was even more pronounced when he found out the 2009 event was financially successful (unlike 2008).

Which baffled me at that point, since he had said since the beginning, that I continually did not make enough (any) money from the event, which was ridiculous considering all the work that went into it.

I was confused.

Here’s a long time supporter of the event, and a person who consistently pushed me to make it more financially successful- and the second the convention takes off (without him), bam, noticeably bitter.

I didn’t even know what to make of this- totally new territory to me.

I spoke with the film director for the convention the other night and told him about this, and he smiled.

Apparently this is not new behavior to him (he’s in his 40′s and has filmed hundreds of conferences).

From my understanding of what he told me, this happened because the speaker received a level of validation from helping me- which I massively appreciate of course.

As soon as I took off on my own…that validation abruptly disappeared, producing a mildly noticeable emotional response- one that was probably more intense than he let slip by on the phone through his choice of words, tone of voice and so on.

…

I believe a similar effect has happened with my mentor, and father. Both see me succeeding- for the most part- without them.

And when people feel less needed (knock on wood)…it’s like a part of you has disappeared.

Or better put, people entwine their sense of self, with something external (other peoples need of them, which is completely out of their control).

When it disappears, it hurts.

More on “Reality”

Reality, by my definition, is what actually happens, regardless of human perspective.

When lightning strikes, it strikes- no matter what we label it.

When rain falls, it falls- no matter what you call it.

And so on.

However, it’s become apparent to me that when people refer to “reality” in conversation, this is not what they are referring to.

Reality seems almost interchangeable with comfort zone to me at this point.

I realized this when I thought about various breakthroughs I have experienced in my life.

In high school- know it or not- having women in my life was “outside my reality”. To change this, I had to step outside my reality for a few years.

…

Hosting the convention was at one point “outside my reality”. And when crunch time came to fork over my credit card to the hotel and sign my name on the dotted line- you bet your ass it was “outside my reality”.

I KNEW it too- the pressure was on.

Is this actually happening?!

Notice how the word reality could easily be exchanged with comfort zone, and the sentence would make sense all the same.

Isn’t that interesting?

Now I have to consider how this affects what both a close mentor and my father said.

Digging a little deeper, I believe what’s happening is that I am straying outside the bounds of their reality of me.

Reality being interchangeable with comfort zone, image, or concept of who I am in this instance.

Again, because I live in my own- and in the process, bend the rules of other “realities”. Or, ignore them all together.

Why?

As unavoidably arrogant as this sounds, simply because I am often not satisfied with the way things are and choose to “do my own thing”.

The Ultimate Convention

I have looked at the “pickup community” over the past few years- and taken into account years prior before I found it- and I have never especially liked other conventions.

There have been many- and many of them are awesome, I’ll be writing about the upcoming ones soon in fact- but none have ever seemed to “get it right” for me.

Not that T21C is perfect, but they all have their flaws. Perhaps most importantly, none seem to survive the test of time.

To the furthest extent of my knowledge, The 21 Convention was the first event of it’s kind to ever run 3 consecutive years in a row.

Upon finding the “community”, I expected there to be some sort of definitive event- but, there was none.

Here we have this community of tends of thousands of men, all trying to achieve better success in their personal lives- and no unifying event.

WTF???!

How is that possible? Blasphemy he cries.

And going further, the existing conventions- prior and current- all seem to fixate on the dating and relationship aspect.

Which is puzzling, because last I checked having women in your life doesn’t bring happiness. Or perhaps worded better, success with women is only one small part of a much, much larger picture.

Hence I’ve decided to take the convention in a new direction- as the world’s leading men’s success convention.

If it will continue to be the best, it has to be comprehensive and complete.

Parenting

This next, and likely final topic of discussion is one that is very personal.

I did not make this clear earlier, but for the most part, my father does not support what I do.

In fact he has encouraged me to stop everything I’m doing (school included, which surprisingly is one of my lowest priorities), and join him in his current business pursuits- which recently have been lucrative, to say the least.

How cliché…

This is interesting on a lot of fronts- some of which we have already touched on.

One we have not discussed however, is the role of parenting, and a father supporting his son.

My original thoughts were that he was being ridiculous- if and when I have a son many years from now, I will constantly support his creative endeavors, especially those that are entrepreneurial in nature.

It seems like heresy not to considering my current views on these subjects.

But I thought about it some more, and realized that maybe it’s for the better (and maybe I attract this kind of feedback into my life for a greater purpose).

Kind of like the transition of shedding training wheels as a kid…it’s cool if they are there, but if not I should be fine to ride on my own.

Not unlike ceasing to need a mother’s affection- or, searching for this same affection in the women we meet.

If women chase us around the block…cool. If not, that’s cool to- who we are doesn’t change, unlike external factors like the number of women in our lives, the amount of time we have available (devote) to socialize at large gatherings, etc.

…

In summary of this subject, not having my fathers words of grace for the current focus of my life is and should be, irrelevant.

Like him (rather than trying to separate myself, from him), I will continue my pig headed, stubborn, “punk” ways and do what I feel is important with my time- and my life.

And perhaps most importantly, I am thankful to have a biological father to not have support from and to have disagreements with.

Who knows? I could learn something…=)

What’s the plan? Goal setting…?

I don’t really have a plan.

I have a general direction I’m heading, but no long term visions to achieve.

Sure, I have ideas- ideas on taking T21C across the globe (Australia, Europe) and multiple times a year.

But those are ideas.

In the short term, I take things one step at a time, one year at a time.

And I believe this is a major component of succeeding where others have failed- in many fields.

Too many people are busy dreaming, instead of taking immediate action to achieve a very real goal.

The bar can be set high- I want to pack out the convention room in 2010 with over 200 people- roughly double what we had in 2009.

That to me is a big goal, but I am determined to make it happen. And perhaps more importantly, I actually believe I can do it- it’s within my grasp at this point.

I have taken small steps when necessary, and big steps when necessary.

Hence, this is a challenge I have set for myself, that will push me to my limits. It probably won’t kill me…but it will help me feel alive like nothing else will.

Being the Change I Wish to see in the World

The other day I read this quote in a signature on the T21C forum. It hit home, hard- and after writing out this seemingly random collection of thoughts, it fits well as a title.

Why?

Hard to say exactly. But as time goes on, day by day, year by year, it seems like more and more people reach out to me for help. The topics change, the modality changes, the people change… but in the years gone by, it’s all the same.

And while this sounds extremely “holier than thou”, when I’m out socializing with people my age… I can’t help but think my peers need help.

Men and women alike. Age is often- not always- irrelevant.

And perhaps socializing is too narrow a term. I get this feeling in all different sorts of situations, ranging from house parties to the gym, or a simple restaurant when someone tells me their life story, one on one.

…

I guess you could say this ties into the previous point of being a leader of leaders, and more on point, leading by example, and walking my talk now, and in the years to come.

_____________

So, that’s it for today. Thoughts? Have I gone off the deep end? Punkish? Was this helpful?

I debated whether or not to blog this or keep it in my private journal, but I ended up going the gung ho route. Comments appreciated pertaining to what was on my mind.

Thank you

-Dream