Dating — No Contradictions Possible

This is in a way a follow up to Love – No Contradictions Possible. In fact I may just make a series out of this and shred contradictions to pieces in a variety of fields.

The premise we are told to accept in dating is this: the women you admire cannot be the women you desire. In application, this means any woman who would sleep with you right off the bat is not a woman worthy of a relationship of any real significance – her actions and choices remove her from such possibility.

Even if you would not have had your initial interaction with her go any other way – which reveals the contradiction. You got what you (both) wanted, and because you succeeded in your efforts, future success is no longer possible.

Or, in another sense: because you BOTH won, now, you both lose.

 

WTF?

 

Guys who proclaim this shit (not knowing the real meaning of their proclamations) are the same guys getting frustrated with “LMR”, or girls suddenly not wanting to have sex with them.

Wrap your head around that: only if a woman behaves in a way you do not approve of, is she worthy of relationship potential.

Only if your relationship begins with conflict is it worthy of continuing.

Pain, suffering, and frustration 101 to be sure.

I mean seriously, in what way does this sound even remotely healthy?

Who thinks this shit up!?

~~~

I mention this because I recently had this experience, and then a distant friend mentioned this concept to me (that because a girl slept with me the first night we met, I should question dating her).

I knew right away this was very stupid, because I would have had our initial interaction go no other way than how it did – which ended with us fucking.

 What’s more, both of us made this decision on the best of our judgments – that this was in fact a good decision at the time, and as long range as either of us cared to consider at the time – neither of us being under the influence of any sort of drug (as most of you know, I don’t even drink, ever), nor even, was this a quick decision.

I enjoyed spending time with this woman, and as such, I was in no rush to have sex. I would actually go so far as to say I enjoyed spending time with her that night, specifically because it was a form of teasing her and building a lot of tension.

Which is to say, that contrary to “popular belief” (what the fuck does that even mean?), rational men are not like light switches.

Men might be more inclined to behave and respond in this manner due to cultural programming, but make no mistake, passion, tension, and sex being a “mind blowing” experience are traits experienced primarily as an individual — your gender then being the physical and psychological filter behind that.

Only a primitive brute, man or woman, would attempt to detach and remove their sexuality from the continuum it normally and naturally exists on. To think that men experience sex merely as an “on/off” switch, I am sorry to say, is quite fucking stupid, for all parties involved.

End tangent.

~~~

In conclusion, and in the words of Sasha Daygame, don’t be a fag.

=)

In dating, in whatever medium, and like anything else that exists in reality, no contradictions are possible. And when you try to force one into reality, you suffer unnecessarily.

~~~

By the way, it is worth noting that reality is black and white, and none of what I have stated above contradicts that. I am simply stating that men do not experience sex (an act), or their sexuality (as it relates to self-concept), on a binary system, other than in (obvious) gender related aspects.

These things exist and happen on a scale, from high to low, not on/off, which still makes it very much black and white.

— Anthony Dream Johnson

About Anthony Dream Johnson

CEO, founder, and architect of The 21 Convention, Anthony Dream Johnson is the leading force behind the world's first and only "panorama event for life on earth". He has been featured on WGN Chicago, and in the NY Times #1 best seller The Four Hour Work Week.    His stated purpose for the work he does is "the actualization of the ideal man", a purpose that has led him to found and host The 21 Convention across 3 continents and for 6 years in a row. Anthony blogs vigorously at TheDreamLounge.net and Declarationism.com.

22 Responses to Dating — No Contradictions Possible

  1. Vartan September 9, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    Honestly, fucking brilliant. I never thought of it this way, but it’s so obvious now that you point it out how stupid most guys are for being upset that things went *exactly* how they wanted them to.

  2. MC September 9, 2011 at 6:42 pm #

    I was just thinking about this about 2 weeks ago. One of the men I work with stated how this girl was making him wait before having sex. He even mentioned how when he went in for the kiss, she let him kiss her cheek only. They’re still seeing each other.

    But he was quite happy that she was doing all these things because it meant she wasn’t “easy” and she was relationship material.

    My thoughts were that she probably has had sex with a lot of men that, like him, wouldn’t consider her relationship material if she gave it up to quick, so she’s found a way to try and make the men stay for longer. Or she’s a mormon.

    “I enjoyed spending time with her that night, specifically because it was a form of teasing her and building a lot of tension.”

    I’m glad you said that, and said it specifically like that. The phrase “liking the chase” always seemed off to me.

  3. Matt September 9, 2011 at 6:51 pm #

    Do guys really think like that?

    • MC September 9, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

      Think like what?

      • Matt September 9, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

        Like Anthony’s post said they do.

        • Anthony Dream Johnson September 9, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

          You don’t, most guys do. You are not most guys Matt.

        • MC September 9, 2011 at 10:12 pm #

          Some of my friends, and co-workers have expressed such thoughts, and I’ve heard the thoughts expressed on television numerous times. I’d guess those that think like that are probably in the majority.

          • Oliver September 13, 2011 at 4:17 am #

            I agree with Matts question; Do guys really think like that? I think thats just old-school conditioning that used to exist but doesn’t exist for most of todays lads.

  4. Situate September 9, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    Of topic, but since this is the latest blog I’ll ask here. I went to the 21 Convention site and see you cover issues like pick up, dating, fitness, nutrition, entrepreneurship and generally motivation.

    Would you ever consider covering issues such as the following

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/jul/17/the-rape-of-men

    so as to inform the men you have some influence over as to what other men are enduring and how its being covered up?

    • Situate September 11, 2011 at 6:39 pm #

      I see Anthony didn’t reply to this one.

  5. ben sima September 10, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    “the women you admire cannot be the women you desire”

    Also called the Madonna-Whore dichotomy. If anyone is interested in *why* we think like this (because it is a common error of the human mind, brought on by evolutionary influences) I recommend the book _The Moral Animal_ by Robert Wright

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna-whore_complex

  6. Situate September 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm #

    On a purely physical level we can sexually desire anyone who appeals to our sexual interest, whether or not they have personality or character traits that we admire. Conversely we can admire someone’s character without being sexually attracted to them. And the two can also converge, which they often do.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson September 10, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

      The question I would encourage you to ask yourself is: should they?

      • Situate September 10, 2011 at 6:16 pm #

        *should*? That’s for each man/woman to decide for him/herself.

        • Anthony Dream Johnson September 10, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

          You’re either purposefully dodging the question or unaware of the meaning of my question.

          You agree that it is possible to both admire and desire another human being. What I am asking you is: is it a good thing? Rare as this may be, is it objectively valuable to man’s life?

          And to make it abundantly clear, I am stating plainly that this is NOT a subjective matter.

          • Situate September 10, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

            I’m not dodging. For me to say it “should” will not make any difference in the lives of those who do not agree or who’s life experiences have not yet rendered it a truth.

            No amount of *should* can change people or their ideas. Only real life experiences do that.

            • Anthony Dream Johnson September 11, 2011 at 9:32 am #

              “No amount of *should* can change people or their ideas. Only real life experiences do that.”

              This is a profoundly stupid and false statement.

          • Situate September 11, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

            Oh but it is HIGHLY subjective.

        • MC September 10, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

          I find while you can admire a girl’s character without being sexually attracted to her, your sexual attraction to her can actually increase as you talk to her. Assuming she doesn’t look totally fucked up.

          it’s difficult to be sexually attracted to a girl, who you don’t admire in character however. Or more precisely your attraction goes down as her character does.

          One example I can think of was when I was with these two girls, and we read a refrigerator magnet that said “Men are like sperm. Only one in a million has the chance of ever becoming a human.”

          Of course the girls laughed at it, then talked about how the men in their lives reflected the saying on the magnet.(which told me more about them, then the men they chose to make a part of their lives)

          I thought the girls were pretty hot when I first met them, but the more time I spent with them, the less attracted to them I became.

          • Situate September 10, 2011 at 7:43 pm #

            MC, the guys who make a delieniation between the 2 – admire/desire, are usually very young guys with very little experience in the world and who’s minds have been hi-jacked by PUA/MRA blogs.

            They just keep repeating the same brainwashing trigger words over and over again from blog to blog.

  7. Situate September 11, 2011 at 12:51 am #

    Its a Groucho Marx way of approaching male/female dynamics and sexuality.

    “Any club that would have me as a member is not worth joining”.

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