I got a question via Facebook yesterday. The question format isn’t uncommon — essentially asking about how to get this “one” girl, what to do, how to talk to her, how to behave, etc, etc.
Dating coaches get this kind of stuff all of the time.
And while I am not a dating coach of any kind or sort, I’ll go right ahead and say that one of the most important ideas I have ever come across in my understanding of male/female relationships, is that it’s not about her, it’s about you.
So much so that it would be and is accurate to say — IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER, and everything to do with you.
That’s right. It’s about what YOU think, what you feel, what you want, what you admire, what you value, what you JUDGE — in every regard imaginable.
And what I mean by “it” is your own happiness, and your own actualized success in the intimate/romantic arena of your life. The girl is always secondary, an effect — not the cause and the source of your success, and your own happiness.
This is why men of self-esteem and integrity — at least to the degree we are able to recognize and perceive it — are always able to bounce back after any sort of relationship ends, no matters its depth, length, or quality.
They have concretized this concept — they have attached it to physical reality. That their happiness is primarily self-driven, and their outward success with the opposite sex is always a direct, logical, natural consequence and result of what is going on inside them first.
The type of woman that a man attracts into his life is a product of his own deepest convictions — both in a long and short range scale.
And it has nothing to do with the girl.
It’s about you.
For all the young guys out there, including the guy who contacted me on Facebook, I would strongly encourage you to not lose sight of the forest for the trees, and think long range. In fact it is only by thinking long range that you will ever understand and develop yourself well enough and high enough to have some legitimate success in this area of your life.
Nothing else is even possible. At least, you better hope not, for your own sake.
— Anthony Dream Johnson