The Real Secret to Picking up Women

Unless it’s content directly from The 21 Convention, I don’t post much anymore about male/female relationships. The things I do post, and think about, are much higher level concepts.

Stuff like the psychological significance of accepted meta-physical and epistemological basic premises in the context of a heterosexual mature romantic love relationship between two individuals of relatively high self-esteem and of approximately equivalent general psychological maturity.

That shit makes sense to about .00001% of the human population because it requires not only a wide range and depth of knowledge, but also the capacity to make coherent sense of multiple, consecutive layers of abstractions … from abstractions … from abstractions … and so forth.

That said, I do have some personal thoughts about pickup in the common sense of the term, which for my purposes here, deals externally and only with

Meet ——> Sex ——> Establishment of a Sexual Relationship

Those thoughts can be effectively summarized in the phrase

Don’t chase, ever.

For the majority of the male human population living in a civilized — read feminized — society, who are psychologically mature enough (meaning you’ve probably chased a bunch of women previously) to begin meeting and having sex with new women on a consistent basis, this will be the brightest light bulb to ever go off in your head, in this arena of life.

I really mean it: this it the straw that will break the camel’s back.

If you fundamentally grasp this principle and apply it, it is the single closest thing to a magic bullet in existence for “picking up” women in the 21st century. It is so effective it will make your ears bleed.

And I am telling it to you for free.


What does this look like applied in real life?

It means you never, ever chase. Under no circumstances are you the pursuer. The woman is always chasing you. You do your best to setup the logistics of any given situation so she has the ability to chase, but regardless of how well that effort went, you DO NOT CHASE.

You never initiate calling, texting, Facebooking, e-mailing … any type of communication.

If you screwed up and she is not in a position to chase (like she doesn’t have your phone number), too bad, you screwed up, you walk away. Why?

Because the psychological experience of not chasing and instead experiencing a loss, as a consequence of poor logistical planning, is infinitely more important than that one girl you met and know next to nothing about.

This active behavior quickly creates a mental environment in which your default response to meeting a woman is to not chase. And when that process borders on automatic, you’ve got it … and, a bunch of  attractive women chasing you so strongly, you are left in fucking disbelief.

All that marketing hype about this or that being “lethally effective”, is child’s play compared to this.

Now for the kicker. Rather than have this one little blog post about the topic, there is an entire Youtube channel dedicated to it. Those are the videos sorted by most popular first. They are more than enough to instill this change.

Speaking from personal experience, they worked for me. In fact that one change — the resolve to absolutely and completely refrain from chasing — “worked” so well, that I’ve had a really hot and incredible girlfriend for the past 8 months. And of course, that wasn’t the only result.

It is just the most recent, literally speaking.

Youtube Channel

Q and A

Is it really that effective?

Yes. Not chasing is absurdly effective for creating new sexual relationships with new women. I am convinced it is the “missing link” for nearly every male in western culture who has been seeking to improve his quality of life in this manner (a greater number of sexual relationships with attractive women, physically and otherwise).

Is it ethical?


Anyone telling you different — like I’m sure many women  will, especially if they read this blog — are telling you that because the concept is terrifying to them. It is terrifying because it shifts so many fundamentals of male/female relationships back to where they should be, that the very possibility of that happening in one swoop, was radically incomprehensible to them in the first place.

It takes a very intelligent and mature person to understand this. This is especially true for women; because the concept affects them internally more than it does men, the result being that it is more difficult to deal with and process in abstract terms.

Beyond that, yes it is absolutely moral to decide the course of your own life and live on no ones judgement but your own. If you want to, for the length of time you choose, have sex with lots of new women, GO DO IT.

The idea that the most healthy and effective way to accomplish this — for both parties — is immoral or unethical, is a moral crime in itself.

What if I’m a guy who likes chasing women?

You’re not.

This is not only the weakest excuse, it is also the dumbest. This is similar to saying that you like breathing under-water. You don’t because it’s extremely bad for your health. Anyone who obtains a coherent understanding of not chasing, and continues to chase, would border very closely on what I call “aggressively stupid”.

Sure you can bash your head in a wall. The real mental health problem — forgive the pun — arrives when you keep doing it, after you realize it’s bad behavior.

But there’s this one girl …

If this is coming to mind you are failing to realize that having lots of high quality women in your life has next to nothing to do with women, and has everything to do with you.

It is about you, not the woman. YOUR long-term, rational, non-cannibalistic happiness is first and foremost in this world, and not a single other person’s or group’s.

About Anthony Dream Johnson

CEO, founder, and architect of The 21 Convention, Anthony Dream Johnson is the leading force behind the world's first and only "panorama event for life on earth". He has been featured on WGN Chicago, and in the NY Times #1 best seller The Four Hour Work Week.    His stated purpose for the work he does is "the actualization of the ideal man", a purpose that has led him to found and host The 21 Convention across 3 continents and for 6 years in a row. Anthony blogs vigorously at and

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25 Responses to The Real Secret to Picking up Women

  1. Cody May 8, 2012 at 9:15 pm #

    Well said brother.

  2. Lloyd May 8, 2012 at 10:48 pm #

    Call me immature but I find that hard to fathom. How can you approach girls, ask for numbers etc without giving a little interest?

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

      Hey Lloyd

      Actually, when I refer to “psychological maturity” I am usually referring to something more akin to a psychological age, rather than the “mature vs immature” dichotomy we usually see discussed in daily life like an “immature jackass” or “immature idiot”.

      So in this sense, someone can be 30 years old but psychologically feel like they’re 20. Or they could be 20 and “feel” like a 30 year old, for any number of reasons. In most cases it being an issue of experience.

      Bottom line: even if you vehemently disagree with this post, none of it should be taken as insulting.

      Re your specific question: approaching women, even “directly”, is not chasing (discussed in the videos), neither is exchanging contact information. What you would not want to do for example, is ask for her phone number outright. What would be the point, if you’re not going to be the one initiating contact?

      You would want to trade or exchange phone numbers, both in word usage, and literally.

      • dunnperez September 18, 2013 at 10:24 pm #

        why not just give her yours, since you’re not going to be initiating contact what would be the point in exchanging and taking hers.

  3. Drew May 9, 2012 at 12:01 am #

    Great post Dream. I’ve followed Brent’s material for quite some time and it’s when i stick to his principles, that my success with women is at its best. Very liberating, very amazing. It’s funny, this is the second time you post a youtube channel that i have much respect for (the Canadian gentleman’s getstrongtv was the first) but feel not enough people are following. Who else in your opinion posts awesome and valuable videos on the net? (both T21C speakers and not)


  4. Bman May 9, 2012 at 1:08 am #

    So many vids on this guy’s channel, I’m diving in, recommend any good starting points?

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 9, 2012 at 12:27 pm #

      They all look so similar and say approximately the say thing it’s impossible to recall anything specific. I linked it by most popular first. That’s as good a place as any to start =).

  5. Socialkenny May 9, 2012 at 2:15 am #

    Hey Ant,nice points,especially about “Chasing”.It really was the greatest turning point in my Game and when it came to getting laid.

    BTW,that’s some high shit you’re on with the metaphysics lol.

  6. Jimi May 9, 2012 at 8:02 am #

    Could not disagree with you more Anthony.
    I usually agree with most of what you write but here I believe you are way off the mark.
    Unless you are referring to a different meaning of the word ‘chase’…..

    “You never initiate calling, texting, Facebooking, e-mailing … any type of communication.”
    This is completely wrong IMO.

    You’ll find that the people who get what they want in this world are the ones who man up, show some balls and go for it. Yes this includes being persistent.

    There is a very big difference between masculine, driven persistence/chasing and creepy, needy persistence/chasing.

    I suspect you are referring to the latter.
    Its important to make that distinction.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm #

      Hey Jimi

      There are multiple points in my life where I would have responded that way too … first hand experience proved otherwise.

      Re masculinity: there is nothing in the “no chasing mantra” that indicates you don’t pursue what you want in life. This would literally be approaching women. The key is that approaching, of almost any kind, is not chasing. Neither is exchanging contact information (BOTH ways).

      Pestering a woman to hang out with you however, is most certainly chasing, and there is nothing “manly” or courageous about it, regardless of whether or not it crosses into creepy land.

      Chasing is chasing.
      Being creepy = extreme chasing.

      They are both degrees of chasing, fundamentally the same.

      “No chasing” involves deciding which women are potentially going to be a part of your life (no matter how short), and then making all the room in the world, for them to chase, do all the work, and earn you.

  7. Max May 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    Never heard of this guy, but just watched some of his videos. Brings up some good points.

  8. James May 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    If there was one thing that absalutely revolutionized my game it was Changing my enviroment, telling everyone who doesnt bring value to my life to fuck off. To completely focus and revolve my whole life around me, i dont even read chode comments anymore because i dont like that bullshit into my brain. Stopped watching tv, changed the music i was listening too.

    I have not done anything in terms of doing tons of approaches, watching tons of videos. Yet my seductive ability is seriously astonishing me.Breaking away from everybody and everything changed me and living on your own just you and your mind. You can do thousands of approaches read hundreds of books but if you still go back to your old routines and pollute your mind with bullshit(television, abusive parents, stupid friends) you will slow your progress and as soon as you stop doing approaches and reading millions of books you will slowly go backwards.

    IF think your enviroment doesnt affect you your joking yourself. I dont even like looking at people with low self esteem. When your whole life revolves around you and what you want you dont have time to fuck around with downers.

    Anthony i have not heard of this ill just assume i invented it.I can get a girl all hot and horny without even talking to her ive been practicing and playing with this while i bus around all over the city.

    Sit next to the hottest girls on the bus( obvious) confidently walking to the seat with no glitches in your step. Then be so god damn obvious and care free and pick a tight ass song on medium volume. 90% of the time they start squirming in there seat with elegant feminine beauty and then i blast those beats until the whole bus hears. I can tell her so much about myself and the whole bus focuses on you which is god damn sexy to a girl.Especially when i start dancing too because im so into my music.

    I see chodes mind raping women on the bus ill play some badass shit and just fucking stare at them which i get a huge kick out of it and they appreciate it times a million. Great practice for handling social pressure. All your really doing is listening to music you love. If she doesnt love it then fuck her!


    • Re: Yaron Brooks May 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm #

      You’d have to be just out of your teens to think playing obnoxious music loud enough that the entire bus hears is something “cool”.

  9. Lloyd May 10, 2012 at 12:11 am #

    Cheers for clearing that up. See you in London.

  10. Re: Yaron Brooks May 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm #

    Anthony, I’m glad you clarified the difference between “approaching” and “chasing”. Otherwise, at first glance I was like, “ah hell naw, nobody will get anywhere because women sure as hell ain’t gonna start approaching us men first!”

    Its cool. Give her your number and wait for her to call rather than ask for her number and call her.

    I can see that working.

    Otherwise women themselves have a “no chase” mentality and usually are loathe to be the first ones to call or suggest a date. They expect us men to do that.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 13, 2012 at 11:25 pm #

      Sure they expect it. And they love it when you don’t.

    • dunn September 3, 2013 at 2:40 pm #

      “Otherwise women themselves have a “no chase” mentality and usually are loathe to be the first ones to call or suggest a date. They expect us men to do that.”

      If that were true one of my ex s wouldn’t have approached me and seduced me. Add to that a dozen of other girls who initiated everything. You shouldn’t believe everything you hear. Once you start believing that garbage it will keep you from being chased (or just talked to) by women, because you believe it isn’t possible. Energy is funny that way.

    • dunnperez September 18, 2013 at 10:35 pm #

      girls do approach

  11. Frank May 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

    No offense James, but you sound a bit delusional…I guess that can actually work in your favor though if you’re so care free.

    But back to the point- I think when Anthony says “don’t chase”, what he’s trying to say is don’t be overly needy, don’t try to oversell yourself and look like you’re trying to get something from the girl. It’s the “bum effect”. When you see a bum come up to you, even before he says anything, you feel that he “needs something” from you and you get repulsed by it. You don’t want to give off the bum vibe.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 13, 2012 at 11:25 pm #

      It’s not just “dont be needy” or “overly needy”.

      It’s do not chase, ever, at any point, for any reason.

      Its not just “not calling first”, it’s not getting baited into chasing once she calls, once she texts, etc.

      It’s a lot of non-action. Of not responding when she refuses to chase.

      This is a way of life when it comes to meeting women.

  12. Lloyd May 14, 2012 at 6:29 am #


  13. James May 15, 2012 at 4:51 pm #

    I am unbelievably solid, let others label me and put me in a box so they can take me down it’s all cool. What matters is what I think and I know I’m hot shit I put 100% into everything I do every waking breath and fight for what I believe in with my life. It’s rare to see and it shows . Workout, diet , relationships , walking down the street. My life is a beautiful picture I’m painting all the time taking women on adventures with me .

  14. Bill Foord January 25, 2015 at 6:05 pm #

    what do you do if a woman is throwing out numerous “proceptive” signals that she likes you or desires you?, should the man “do” anything or just be polite and wait for the woman to ask him out?. i feel this stress building that the woman wants me to do something or make a move. should i still refrain?


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