Why Women Should Always Chase Men

howard roark dominique francon

When I released my recent post “The Real Secret to Picking up Women“, a number of people commented on the gender specific assertion I was making: that men should never chase, and women should always do all of the chasing.

I didn’t elaborate further, nor is this something that anyone could expect to be widely understood. Heck, I’m not even sure Brenth Smith understands why women should chase. And I stress the word “should” there because I mean that in the best and highest, all encompassing, sweeping statement sense.

As in, women chasing men is a matter of psychological health, not arbitrary whim/chance, or even choice. [You have about as much choice in the matter as you do in breathing.]

So why is this?

  • Why must women chase men?
  • Why can it be no other way?
  • Can men not “like” chasing?
  • Can women not “hate” chasing?

It is because nature to be commanded is to be obeyed, and the fundamental nature, the essence of femininity, is to look up to man. To revere and admire him, in the flesh of an individual man, and in conceptual form.

While there is enormous room for admiration of women in masculinity, in flesh and concept, looking up to women is not central to being a man. It is not it’s essence. It is explicitly not it’s fundamental nature.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the essence of being a man is actually the ideal compliment to the essence of being a woman: and that fundamental nature, is purpose.

To walk a straight line through life and through existence. To not waiver, not bend, not stray, and to pursue his vision of what could exist and should exist in this world by his judgement.

Chasing a woman is antithetical to this process and to this essence. There is no point and no degree in which it is appropriate.

Let me be clear here: as a man, chasing a woman is the single most aggressively unattractive action you can take, short of physical harm.

There is nothing more unattractive you can do.

  • Women do not like it.
  • They typically do not understand why.
  • They will tell you the opposite.

Make no mistake, they are either confused (consciously, subconsciously, or both), have an underdeveloped sexual identity, or have a damaged sexual psychology.

I.e. they have actively and knowingly rejected what it is to be a woman. (This would be most modern, third wave collectivists-feminists).


Many people who read this post will be angered by it and will quickly reduce normal, necessary male/female behavior to what their personal definition of chasing is — which at this stage, is largely not a consequence of their own independent thought, but is instead intellectual garbage they have been fed since birth by news, entertainment, and a morally bankrupt culture at large.

In short, “chasing” is a jumbled, undefinable mix of conflicting ideas, that is now being associated with normal, socially intelligent behavior. You may be doing this because you’ve chased women your entire life and are afraid to admit it.

Well, stop it.

A word that can mean anything means nothing. Chasing does not mean anything. It means very specific actions that run in direct opposition to being a man (or inversely, actions that are highly feminine). YOU need to determine what these actions and psychological positions are in your own life. Stop jumping to conclusions and vomiting out the same old re-hashed garbage the world has fed you.

  • You do not have to chase.
  • Men should not chase.
  • Women should chase.

You make the choice, same as what foods you put into your body.


Here’s a woman who understands these concepts quite well, contrary to what you may believe her novels depict (which in all cases, generally do not reflect daily life and instead depict heroic characters in unique circumstances).


About Anthony Dream Johnson

CEO, founder, and architect of The 21 Convention, Anthony Dream Johnson is the leading force behind the world's first and only "panorama event for life on earth". He has been featured on WGN Chicago, and in the NY Times #1 best seller The Four Hour Work Week.    His stated purpose for the work he does is "the actualization of the ideal man", a purpose that has led him to found and host The 21 Convention across 3 continents and for 6 years in a row. Anthony blogs vigorously at TheDreamLounge.net and Declarationism.com.

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69 Responses to Why Women Should Always Chase Men

  1. OhioStater May 14, 2012 at 2:00 pm #

    It’s a messy solution because it shifts power to women. I’m guessing you have a remedy but we need to invest time or money learning your curriculum.

    If women chase then women choose, which is not the answer unattractive guys want to hear.

    To lessen the blow, we know what you’re saying is right, but how do guys signal to women they are receptive and worthy of chasing?

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 14, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

      “I’m guessing you have a remedy but we need to invest time or money learning your curriculum.”

      Where the hell did this come from? I learned to not chase women by watching Brent’s free Youtube channel and thinking hard about the things he said.

      You make it sound as if I’m selling snake oil. I’m not selling shit. Although if I was, you’d be wise to buy it =).

      • DK May 21, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

        “If women chase then women choose, which is not the answer unattractive guys want to hear.

        To lessen the blow, we know what you’re saying is right, but how do guys signal to women they are receptive and worthy of chasing?”

        That point still stands, though, Dream, and you haven’t addressed it. He asked a very valid question there.

        • Anthony Dream Johnson May 21, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

          The question does not stand and is not valid because the accepted basic premise is wrong.

          I have addressed it to. People aren’t listening carefully enough.

          There is no “signaling”, there is no “telling her how worthy you are of being chased”.

          These things in themselves ARE chasing.

          Let me be clear: this is a huge mental leap for most guys. The questions that have been posed are evidence of this.

          – There is no signaling.
          – There is no justifying yourself to her.
          – There is no way to worm your way around this.
          – Chasing is chasing.

          For a man, chasing is not choosing. Chasing is doing what society has told you to do, and following your whims.

          Not chasing at first and in large part requires active, conscious, rational thinking. You have to CHOOSE to not chase, and to best allow women to chase you – the ones you want.

          Best thing you could do to de-attract an unattractive woman from you is to chase her.

        • ben May 21, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

          as I understand it, you shouldn’t need to tell her how worthy you are. You should just *be worthy*. Like Marcus Aurelius says, “To stop talking about what the good man is like, and just be one.”

    • dave October 16, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

      Unattractive guys ( like me) do not do any better if we approach. At least if she does approach then she is at least pretending to be interested!

  2. James May 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

    Invest your own time bro there is knowledge in plentiful amounts on this website. You don’t want to force sex on a girl.. They always decide wether you get to fuck..they have to agree( you should want that) that’s old news. The magic pill is right here.. Cept it’s not magic and it’s not a pill. You have to work for it. No such thing as ugly men just lazy. Working out and nutrition are solid places to start. Focus on yourself!

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

      I don’t know about that.

      My girlfriend doesn’t *want* to have sex all the time, yet, we have sex all the time. She gets it regardless of whether or not she wants it.


  3. Max May 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    I’d agree with you if you changed women with ‘feminine essence’ and men with ‘masculine essence’. Some men are more aligned towards the feminine pole, while some women are aligned more towards the masculine pole. It’s not necessarily dependent on ‘man’ or ‘woman’.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

      Hmm, you’d need to refer to specific points in the article. There’s a lot of interplay with identity, individuals, and concepts.

      e.g. Man the individual is not man the concept.

      • Random Indian May 28, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

        What exactly is “man the concept” and where did you get the concept from?

        • Anthony Dream Johnson May 28, 2012 at 4:42 pm #

          Man can be the individual man sitting in front of you in real, physical life, or man can be the abstract concept one holds in their mind. That concept would be the answer to the question ‘What is man?”.

          Why are you pre-supposing that I got the concept from someone else and that it was not instead self-generated?

          That’s quite an assumption to make, and perhaps is revealing.

          • Random Indian May 29, 2012 at 11:13 pm #

            Then “man the concept” is completely subjective, just as I thought.

            • Anthony Dream Johnson May 30, 2012 at 11:58 am #

              As usual, you’re wrong.

              *Your answer* to the question of “what is man?” is subjective.

              The *right answer* to the question of “what is man?”, is objective.

              Man is capable of identifying that answer and knowing he has identified it.

              • Max October 20, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

                I just got re-linked to this post and thought I’d clarify. When you say that Men should never chase women, I believe you should replace that with “the masculine should never chase the feminine.”

                There are plenty of women with masculine energy. I’m sure you know plenty of these girls, and you usually see them with a boyfriend who’s got more of a feminine energy. Most people see this as being “whipped” in a relationship, when the girl decides everything and the guy does what the girl wants.

                Now, if you have a masculine energy and you start chasing the feminine, then you’ve compromised your values and everything in this article applies.

                I just wanted to clarify that you can be a woman with a masculine pole and a man with a feminine pole. One dominates and one submits, it’s not necessarily according to gender. But most men SHOULD align with their masculinity and not chase women (probably 80% of men).

                Better explained in “Way of the Superior Man” by David Dedia

                • Anthony Dream Johnson October 21, 2012 at 11:26 am #

                  You bring up a good point, and there might be something to that. I can’t speak to it though … not from personal experience anyway.

  4. Matt May 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

    I love the distinction you make between admiring femininity and looking up to it. Great post.

  5. Charles Dahl May 15, 2012 at 2:13 pm #

    To get back to the article itself. RIGHT ON. Focus on improving your self. Chasing women places you in a state of neediness which is a huge turn off. It is self-sacrificial, as it diverts attention away from pursuing your rationally chosen values and outcomes you CAN control, and it lowers self-esteem.

    Anthony is speaking the truth, corroborated by the evidence from evolutionary psychology.

    Deal with it.

  6. Socialkenny May 15, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    Who wouldn’t want women to chase?

    IDK,it seems like it’s a difficult concept for the average guy to grasp.

    Well,at least you brought some clarity to it.

    • ben May 15, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

      “it seems like it’s a difficult concept for the average guy to grasp.”

      …perhaps thats the point

      • StudDy May 16, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

        I concur.

  7. StudDy May 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

    What a great post. I love you brother. Your work with everything is doing a whole lot of good. Nice touch with the Bonus video part. Subtle..

  8. Random Indian May 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

    Hey Anthony. I’ve commented here before under a few different user names (that I’ve since forgot). I’d like to address a few points.

    You state that woman looking up to man is the natural state of womanhood but offer no scientific evidence to back up this claim.

    Your point about chasing. If we observe much of the animal kingdom its the males who display (peacocking) and the females who choose amongst the males displaying. The Mystery Method is based on this premise. In modern human society this has been reversed. The females are doing the displaying, replacing the colorful feathers of the male peacock with colorful makeup and clothing, in order to attract the human males, who then choose which females to approach, who then themselves are subject to a reverse selection process when the females then accept or reject their advances.

    I guess I’m lucky because my culture does away with chasing on both sides because our families arrange our marriages for us, but we do have ultimate veto power. In other words, we are not forced, if after getting to know the person we do not like him/her, we are free to reject the proposal and then our families will line someone else up for us to meet.

    I’m not saying its a perfect system, but it does away with much of the anxiety, heartbreak and general mess I see in the modern western dating scene.

    Interesting you bring up Ayn Rand. What disturbed me greatly about The Fountainhead was the rape scenario, following which the vicim fell in love with the criminal who committed the crime against her. I felt this gave a particular insight into Ayn’s inner psychology, which presumably would have been quite dark. That such a criminal would be portrayed as a “hero” of any sort is also disturbing. People may say, “its just a novel” but what authors choose to write about often reflects their values. Ayn positioned herself as a champion for individual rights and freedoms and that she would portray someone who so blatantly trespassed on the freedom and rights of another sovereign individual as some sort of “hero” of any sort flies in the face of her “philosophy” in this readers opinion.

    Interesting point here is that I’ve known many immigrants from India (my own family members included) to jump on the Objectivist bandwagon after reading Ayn’s books. This makes sense when you understand how very structured the life of the average India is. We are a very family oriented people and our culture is very vocal in what it expects from us, despite our government being so chaotic and inept. The cultural download is very strong in us. The arranged marriage system reflects that as the marriages are not just randomly arranged but very carefully planned according to the similar socio-economic backgrounds of the two familes coming together, and make no mistake about it – it is two entire families being wed, not just two individuals.
    So it makes sense that Objectivism and the emphasis on the individual would look very attractive to someone whom their entire life has done most things that their family expects of them such as pursuing a certain career to marrying a certain type of person, etc. But even with all the Objectivist and individualist talk emanating from their mouths, they ALWAYS fall back on our Indian family system and culture which is evidence in their career choices, marriage choices and general lifestyle. It is this which has made us the “model minority” and most successful SES group in the United States today.

    Here’s a qoute from Ayn which I disagree with, “if man is to progress, he must reject the morality of altruism”.

    I’ve progressed greatly from acts of altruism. Some of my own and some expected of me culturally and familialy. I’ve helped friends in need (my own choice) who later blossomed on their own and in turn helped me in my pursuits. The return help was not at all expected. I helped them because I genuinely wanted to and it makes me happy to be of service to people I value.

    On the other hand it is expected that members of Indian families will help each other, and like a good Indian, I have helped family members, some purely out of personal choice and others purely out of a sense of duty. In both cases I also progressed. Again, this is one of the reasons Indians do so well economically in the United States, we help each other climb the ladder.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 22, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

      Hey Random Indian

      Thanks for commenting. In the interest of producing the best comment and maintaining a blog I love, I am going to answer your question very bluntly. In tandem, I believe being this honest is also how you show someone respect.

      In responding to your comment I am going to run though it chronologically. I won’t quote, but it should be obvious to what specifically I am responding to.


      I stated no such thing. You took something I said and restated it in a way that fit your interpretation, which was an incorrect one. I stated that looking up to man, in concept and in flesh, is the essence of femininity. This is not an automatic, natural process, which is what your comment implies. It is absolutely not the default state of “womanhood”, a word I did not and do not use. The essence of femininity is something women have to actively work towards and for. It is earned, not arbitrarily gifted.

      When you say “scientific evidence” you display a clear misunderstanding of the word because this post was philosophical in nature. Philosophy is not just “a science”, it is the fundamental science of reality and of man’s relationship to it. It is the science that precedes all others. In this sense, I absolutely discussed and provided basic evidence. You didn’t recognize an ounce of it because you are ignorant of philosophy being a science in the first place. Science to you has been reduced strictly to statistics, biology, and so on.

      Human beings are infinitely different from all other animals known to man. We are the only animals who posses a volitional consciousness and the capacity to think in multiple levels of abstraction. Studying or citing the behavioral psychology of animals is less than meaningless in the context of this discussion and post, it is detrimental to further and genuine intellectual discussion. The psychology of instinct driven animals has no place in the psychology of human beings. The two have nothing to do with each other.

      I find it abhorrent, bizarre that you find yourself fortunate to be arbitrarily arrange into a relationship with another human being. It’s insulting to the concepts and the potentials for human joy the represent, especially in regards to romantic love. The veto power you mention is insignificant. The problem is the performance of the practice in the first place, and anyone giving remote credit to it’s validity.

      There was no criminal act of rape in The Fountainhead. Your comment reveals a profound ignorance both of the concept rape, its criminal implications, as well as of the novel The Fountainhead. Dominique Francon wanted to be raped in The Fountainhead, was perfectly aware of it, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Rape in The Fountainhead was, in a context you would understand, more akin to being “ravaged”. Rape on the other hand is an often misused word that in a criminal context means physically and violently assaulting someone in a sexual manner.

      The physical assault is the (primary), the sexual aspect is (secondary). The importance of this order cannot be stressed enough, nor can it’s implications into rape law today (disastrous when ignored, which is often).

      Re Indian culture, I believe you are very confused on what Objectivism and individualism truly mean. Being a strongly “family oriented” culture is no more individualistic than being a “society oriented” culture because they both replace the basic unit of society — individual human beings — with *groups* of individuals, and therefore remove the individual from the equation entirely. The number of people in a particular group is irrelevant. Collectivism is collectivism whether you make the base unit of society 5 people or 500 million.

      The individual is 1 and he is supreme in both spirit and politics.

      Collectivism with a family slant is no less dangerous and harmful that State inspired collectivism, race inspired collectivism, etc. And all lead total collapse.

      I would challenge you to define success, because I really doubt you understand the meaning of the term on a grand scale if you’re talking about how successful one minority is compared to another.

      You cannot just “disagree” with that quote. Absolutely rejecting altruism is one of the cruxes of everything she *ever* wrote. She rightly despised the morality of altruism. By what you’ve written here you are an altruist, although at the same time you are clearly confused.

      Benevolence is not altruism. Genuine benevolence is in fact (often) a sign of high self-esteem.

      Altruism is sacrificing higher values for lower values. It is the covering of moral depravity in the guise of helping others, becuase you haven’t a clue what to do with your life. It is the attempt to live through others and have your very existence validated by their needs. It is the moral enslavement of man to his brothers.

      It is any sense of duty to any one but yourself and to things you’ve chosen.

      It is the attempt to make service to others a virtue.

      Altruism makes benevolence impossible, and turns free men into slaves.

    • naveed May 9, 2013 at 4:52 pm #

      well i just have one opinion i disagree with the part that in animals women get to choose. males choose the female then fight over her and the winner gets her. the female does not have a lot of saying in it

  9. Random Indian May 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

    “Best thing you could do to de-attract an unattractive woman from you is to chase her.”

    Next time an unattractive woman hits on you, reciprocate it by flirting, ask for her number then follow up with a phone call asking for a date. I guarantee you she will NOT be “de-attracted”.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 22, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

      If you behave towards her in a way that is authentically similar to how you would act towards a woman you are strongly attracted to, not only will it de-attract her, it will do so shockingly fast, regardless of all other factors. You don’t understand this because you lack the ability to envision how this would play out in real life in addition to lacking the conceptual map of why this happens in the first place.

      After approaching more women by the age of 22 than most men will in a lifetime, and having the faculty to connect these ideas into something philosophically coherent, I can tell you definitively that this is in fact how things work, whether your like it and agree with it, or not.

      Women cannot and do not fundamentally admire men who sacrifice their masculinity, to the lowest bidder, for the potential of sex. It’s both antithetical and insulting to women at the same time.

      • Lena May 22, 2013 at 10:57 am #

        Interesting reply. The unattractive woman would be surprised that the man would give in so quickly, indeed that would be unattractive and strange. I’m admiring a man myself right now with all my heart but if he dropped everything and asked for a date I would instantly think there is something wrong here. Luckily, he keeps things very very interesting for me to be able to “chase” him more, e.g. making advances. Lovely article, I have to admit it’s just what I wanted to read, but aside from that I can make the philosophy how all this works. A woman should look up to a man!

        By the way: the man I’m in love with is perfect for me. I know it because I always get to see him speak and behave around people, but I’m only an observer so he hardly knows me. How do I make him clear that we have everything in common without going on a real date? Because we can’t

  10. Jimi May 25, 2012 at 4:04 am #

    Hey Anthony,

    I think you need to make it clear what the differences between chasing and leading are. It seems that there is much confusion in readers (and myself, to a degree) about the differences between the two.

    Would I be right in saying that exchanging phone numbers with a girl who is interested is ‘leading’ but doing so with a girl that isnt as interested or invested is ‘chasing’?
    You could replace ‘exchanging phone numbers’ with any other escalating action really.
    Asking a girl out who is interested = leading….. asking a girl out who is not = chasing ??

    But then this begs the question…. for guys who are not as confident with women, how can they know when they are chasing or leading. Surely they would need to take the leap and risk ‘chasing’ to find out?

    • Anthony Dream Johnson May 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

      Hey Jimi

      There’s no easy way to explain it, beyond what I have already written. The difference between chasing and not chasing is deep, not wide. To learn it best I recommend watching the videos by Brent, applying them, and being absolutely honest with yourself from there on out in your effort to learn everything involved.

      It’s highly abstract, and difficult to step back from and observe honestly — which is both what makes it hard to learn, and ultimately, part of why it is true.

      The only real knowledge each man has of his gender is that which is experienced first hand, introspectively. Not chasing women, yet creating sexual relationships with them, is as real, and as close as one can bring those two things together.

      Regarding your last question, not chasing is not for “newbies”. A guy who still has confidence problems, problems having a normal conversation, low self-esteem, and is clueless on physical touch … well, not chasing isnt going to make a lick of sense to him. It’s the last step, not the first.

      • Charles Dahl May 25, 2012 at 7:07 pm #


        I know guys twice your age that haven’t figured that one out yet. All men can–whatever age–can learn from these posts. Thank you.

      • Max January 20, 2013 at 5:54 pm #

        Exactly. It’s really about man having a deeper purpose and not giving up his purpose just to fuck a woman. Women can smell it a mile away and will know when you sacrifice your masculinity.

        That doesn’t mean you should only let women approach you. It means going after what you want (approaching women in this sense) but having the values of being authentic and not conversing solely to please her.

        Like Anthony said, it goes much, much deeper than words. It’s about what your center of gravity in life really is.

        • Anthony Dream Johnson January 20, 2013 at 10:58 pm #

          Max, Charles, thank you for your comments.

          I like the gravity part in particular. I might steal that for a future post 😉

          • Max January 21, 2013 at 1:08 am #

            Not if I use it first 😉

  11. quick learner July 21, 2012 at 11:33 pm #

    In short, what he basically explained is stop being a nice guy and bending to her will in hopes of sex. i learned this the hard way, not to long ago and even while i was healing from rejection i never allowed it to control my interaction with others.
    Consider this, which one is worse: a guy being nice (which is being fake or sneaky) to get a girl to like him so he can get sex or a guy that doesn’t hide that he’s a man and is sexual, upfront about what he wants from the get go?

    It’s nearly two months since i got rejected from a woman i thought i loved and all the while i was fawning over her, i didn’t notice a girl who actually liked me till i saw many IOI’s. Safe to say, i turned my attention to this girl(mind you, i visited in moderation not clinging), made her laugh and now, well she’s my girlfriend.

    The important thing is: never make anyone the centre of your universe. you will be destroyed if they leave you. If someone does not like you for you, move on. Three important words that people see as an insult but truly the answer lies in these words: get a life. If you don’t have one get one, leave the video games, tv once in awhile and get out and meet people(and not just in clubs). You will not get a girlfriend, wife or sex if you have no social life. Find a goal in life and work at it. When you achieve it, get another goal.

    Having a social life will make you more interesting and it WILL stop you from chasing. Do it right and you won’t even need a girlfriend and believe me women will flock to you just to try and figure you out. Make yourself busy, do all the things you wanted(besides video games) and you will find someone(to be more precise, she will find you) who likes you.

    As men, we all want sex , right? Being sexual from the get go lets them know we have nothing to hide and that we could care less whether or not they are taking the bait! I say again do not make someone else your universe or buy them expensive gifts until you actually had sex at least a dozen times, fulfilling relationship, get to know each other well, blah blah.

    I know a guy like that and looking back i was becoming just like him had i not evaluated where i went wrong. FUN FACT: You are the cause of your rejection, if you expect a dismal outcome you will not be confident thus you will fail.

    Women thrive on emotion not material things (material things can however bring them back to the good emotions they had with you). Have a fun time with a girl and she’ll never forget you. You buy her something or win her a prize at the fair during that fun interaction and she’ll always remember you when she sees it. After awhile she will start to need you, then you can show a little of what you have to offer, not all.

    A women may not need security or protection these days but she does want to know that you have it covered if she doesn’t. If you chase, you are showing her that you need her, your looking for security in her, she doesn’t want to babysit you. That is not what being a man is. All this can be done without being the jerk or the asshole that hurts women. I finally found my ‘bad boy’ balance, treat women well but never hide that your a man. In some cases, if someone doesn’t like you for being fun and popular, FUCK THEM! These people are called haters. If you’re fun all the time then you won’t have to try hard to get a girl to chase you. Learn how to create sexual tension. I could actually write a book on everything i learned in the last few months. Hmmmm, maybe i should………..

  12. Selina September 25, 2012 at 4:39 am #

    What happened to just following your instincts when it comes to women? I know way too many guys who are stuck on the “I never chase girls” formula and it’s kind of obvious that they spend time reading blogs like this, which makes me wonder if the guys I’m dating read more self-help shit than I do…Now THAT is a problem all on its own.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson September 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

      Intimate relationships are an abstract, complex concept. “Instincts” are less than useless.

      Human beings are not primitive animals.

      • Selina September 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm #

        They most certainly are, Anthony Dream Johnson.

  13. Goldernie October 21, 2012 at 7:06 am #

    Unbelievably robust post, as usual. Huge props.

    I have two questions, however:

    You say “Human beings are not primitive animals.” and ““Instincts” are less than useless.”. Does this mean that all of ‘intimate relationships’ exist exclusively within consciousness/Will/PFC? All of our animal(istic) legacy of mating rituals, sexual selection, etc., is not involved at all? (Sorry is this has been covered previously)

    My second question is:

    At the end of one of David D’s program (was it Man Transformation?) there was a female dating coach (or two?) who said you should never let the woman lead, for them the ideal situation was for the woman to be always waiting ready to accept the man. In this case nobody would ‘chase’ but the man would take initiatives or make the decisions (or follow his whims whichever may be the case) and the woman would be in a state of ‘pro-actively waiting to be told what to do’ so to speak (at least this is how I understood it). I thought this was pretty high-level of game. What are your opinions on this? Do you think she’s wrong? Is it possible to have neither partner ‘chasing’ or is really “women chasing men a matter of psychological health”?

    Actually I have a third question:

    Is it possible that chasing/not chasing is a matter of where on the lover/provider spectrum you stand? Maybe lovers chase and providers don’t, and you’re just biased because you have a girlfriend. Does the not-chase rule apply only to relationships or to early-stage pickup too?

  14. Rita October 29, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    “It is because nature to be commanded is to be obeyed, and the fundamental nature, the essence of femininity, is to look up to man. To revere and admire him, in the flesh of an individual man, and in conceptual form.

    While there is enormous room for admiration of women in masculinity, in flesh and concept, looking up to women is not central to being a man. It is not it’s essence. It is explicitly not it’s fundamental nature.”

    Are you talking about dating in the 50s? And by the 50’s, I really mean the 1850’s? Because if I knew a man had such antifeminist ideals, it would be an instant turnoff. Women worth dating need a friend, not a daddy. Real women don’t worship the Y chromosome like it’s some kind of deity. We’re all animals and mating is just that: a game. Personally, I think the most attractive men are the ones who respect themselves but respect women also, and quite frankly, your post doesn’t show a whole lot of respect for women.

  15. will November 26, 2012 at 8:35 pm #

    Roissy explains much better than you do.

    This is empty, recursive theory; badly fleshed-out.

    Learn how to develop your ideas and to write. The conclusion that the solution is the hypothesis because the hypothesis says absolutely nothing.

    However, I agree that women chasing is awesome. -It’s just Very against the teachings of female culture. BHRR, or Bait, Hook, Reel, Release is a much more realistic framework than this empty philosophical maxim.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson November 27, 2012 at 8:16 pm #

      Yes, it’s so empty and pointless it worked flawlessly, twice in a row, 15 hours a part, the first time I tested it out.

  16. JOSHUA TRENTINE December 1, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    Get TRAPPED by RenEx

  17. Matt December 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    Great article. When will men in general start realising these truths and stop chasing just because they are instructed to in our media??

  18. Donna January 7, 2013 at 7:27 am #

    I think people should just stop all this ” who’s chasing who” crap and learn to build love through friendship and if it “takes off” then you’ ll know it was real… If not then you know to move on….people that are only interested in making money off of misleading people create crap like this to keep people strung in limbo about what ” real love” is what takes to get there….real love will never be attained through cat and mouse games regardless of who’s doing the chase male or female….

    • Anthony Dream Johnson January 7, 2013 at 2:38 pm #

      Build “love” through friendship? This is typical chick-delusional nonsense. The only thing more ridiculous than that is the guy naive enough to try it.

    • dave January 26, 2013 at 8:35 pm #

      Ms. Donna – Unfortunately, having a female friend ( is female friend an oxymoron?) means carrying her boxes, giving her a lift and changing her tires.What a beautiful friendship!

  19. Donna January 7, 2013 at 9:06 am #

    And for the most part, all you’ll get out the cat and mouse games is lust, and for the least a friendship, if that even an option, because while chasing someone is not only ignorant, but no values of love, honesty, respect, or loyalty, will have been set as a foundation from the start…when choosing to play mind games is the way to as a way to forge or start a romantic relationship, we are humans with minds and souls, not cartel…I’m sure anyone would want to get to who they are dating long before getting serious with them… Which is when friendship should take place from the start to allow love to blossom, with two consenting individuals who are looking for the same thing….LOVE!

  20. Donna January 7, 2013 at 9:23 am #

    and let me add that I’m not a feminist, but rather a realist…. you talk about natural ordinance…I hope we all are evolved enough from our “lower” animal kingdom and more intelligent and civilized when selecting a mate…. Which is why the lower animals have to resort to games…they are not civilized enough to rationilize intelligent behaviour when choosing a mate, because in “their world”, it’s for making babies only, not building a home and a life…so in their world… May the strong survive!!!

  21. Anon May 18, 2013 at 7:35 pm #

    I’m a shy gal, and I like it if a man does the chasing…I am too shy to do any of it myself.

  22. bongstar420 May 25, 2013 at 1:01 pm #

    Is that how the rest of the animals mate? With the female chasing the males?

  23. El June 9, 2013 at 5:46 am #

    Notice how all the men here “look up to” Anthony in the same exact fashion that he advocates women should “look up to men?”

    Anthony hasn’t figured out some secret formula to understanding women. This is nothing more than your garden-variety cult-of-personality thinking. Were he a bit older, and possessing of even a modicum of wisdom, he’d realize what a fool he sounds like.

    There was a time, a good long time ago, where women needed men to survive in this world, NOT because women were incapable of taking care of themselves, but because men had created a world where women were prevented from doing this. Basically, we were given no choice but to compete for male attention in the hope that we would be selected to become the man’s mate (possession.) If we were lucky, he was reasonably kind, caring and compassionate, and our lives were reasonably pain free, but in most instances, this wasn’t the case.

    This is, apparently, the world Anthony would have you believe we still live in. Unfortunately, there are still a fair number of places where this is true, and a fair number of women who are raised to expect men to behave like Anthony, but for most of us, this world disappeared 30 years ago. Anthony believes because he is able to exploit these types of women that he has mastered the female psyche. All he has done is turn himself into throwback from a less evolved time. I’m sure if he were allowed to club women over the head and drag them back to his cave, he’d be telling you that THAT is the secret to getting women.

    Anthony, if you ever expect to settle down, have a family, perhaps even raise children who’ll respect you, you’re eventually going to have to grow up. Women interested in a man for these kinds of things see someone like you as an overgrown little boy, and your approach towards us as hilarious.

    • Anthony Dream Johnson June 14, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

      This is pretty funny. I think I’ll pass on your perversion of “growing up” and enjoy the loving, sexual, passionate, deeply romantic and fulfilling relationship I have with my girlfriend.

      Who I was smart enough not to chase.

  24. Tanya July 21, 2013 at 8:24 am #

    Anthony I believe you have a point but it is still very narrow minded.

    Yes women look up to men but that is in the psychological context of society and the wider surrounding culture. This is because men are the providers and protectors and we women who are RECEIVERS of those two elements, appreciate that within a man and find it a huge turn on.

    However the main point I need to stress is, is that the essence of women is to RECEIVE from man. That is what makes her feel like a woman, and to GIVE is what makes a man feel like a man.

    The most prominent example is sex. The traditional doggy position directly descended from animals. Then let us not forget the human missionary position.

    So I think you will find that a woman should only ever chase a man if he has a good reason as to why he can’t do the chasing, e.g he is insecure and shy, therefore the woman steps in to guide him and allow him to find confidence within his self.

    Women should only EVER chase in order to rush to somebody’s aid.

  25. rick August 2, 2013 at 1:40 am #

    Sage advice, if all you’re trying to do is get laid. All the girls I’ve gotten, all the ones I DIDN’T chase, I never really wound up liking or wanting to be with in the longer term. It’s the ones you fall head over heels for, the ones you chase but never get, that keep you up at night. 🙂

  26. Tyson March 7, 2014 at 2:35 pm #

    I appreciate this article, but I think us men have a lot of evolving to do in order for the whole of man to be as chivalrous and strong as the man you imply in our article! It can be done, but from what I’ve discovered, for now there’s so few real men of strength and prestige out there that there are so many more women ready for the man that choose to take up his cross and become dominant in his own life! And yes… women will chase any man that has his life together and is not needy in any way, but it because of our culture and how most of us were raised, it will take time. I’m still on the journey and about to come out of this tunnel I’ve been in for the past 25 years of my life! More power to you brother!

  27. Robin March 26, 2014 at 7:41 pm #

    I’m a woman and I agree. Chasing is in our blood since grade school. I’m so glad there are men who agree this is how it should be. I’m more confident in role of chaser. If I sat back & waited for the type of guy I like to chase me, I’d be 97! Passively waiting for them to approach me makes me feel insecure. I want to have the say in who I pick — not the other way around.

  28. Peter M. May 1, 2014 at 8:55 pm #

    I have never chased women and have also never had any success with women. If I don’t talk to women, don’t talk to girls I like, ask them out, and pursue them, how will I ever meet any women at all? How will they ever get to me know me at all? I’m a little confused. In addition, how do I get the girls I want? If I see them walk past, and I ignore them, they will never know anything about me. How can that work? It sure has never worked for me. Are you saying you still need to approach women, but give them the chance to chase you? Why would a woman not like it if you told her you thought she was cute, and went direct at it? Why would it be a bad thing to show what you really want. Isn’t it masculine to go for what you want?

    • ennis August 11, 2014 at 8:43 pm #

      Peter M. – Do you like chasing down a cab in the rain? Do women talk to YOU?
      Have any of THEM told YOU that you were cute? Would it be a bad thing if a woman came to you,showing what SHE really wanted?

  29. Guise July 15, 2014 at 12:04 pm #

    I saved this article for future reading a while back. And now coming back to it, I cannot be bothered to read it. Its not that I don’t understand it, its because I cannot be bothered to read through all your lengthy explanations of concepts that are relatively simple and needn’t be overcomplicated.

    You are trying to attract the general populous of men everywhere, but with the way you write, you are alienating that same demographic.

    this is evident in the comments section. It made me seriously frustrated to hear people’s arguments.

    “if you can’t explain something simply enough, you don’t know it well enough”.

    If this website is about educating people for the betterment of men everywhere, you would be better off just linking us to David Brent, instead of trying to have your own touch to it, and making it your own. Leave it to the people who understand it and people will respect you more for putting them in touch with someone who can give them the answer they want without wasting their time.

  30. DJ August 7, 2014 at 6:08 pm #

    I agree. But if men don’t ever chase in this culture how can we ever expect to get laid? It would take a complete social role reversal to make women conform to being ‘chasers’. I mean, how often do women ever approach men or innitiate anything sexual? Rarely

    • Anthony Dream Johnson August 9, 2014 at 10:16 am #

      Those points aren’t chasing. It’s everything in between the initial approach and establishing a sexual relationship that is chasing.

  31. Valentina September 13, 2014 at 12:24 am #

    I like this. So true.

  32. Sheree December 3, 2014 at 1:15 am #

    Thank you for this article. I was starting to think something was wrong with me for approaching men. Look, if the guy had his shit together and was single, I wouldn’t see anything wrong in letting him know. But theres so much said about who should chase whom and I’m over it. If I like you, I’d like to tell you. Not be strung along, play games or never get spoken to. I see men being friends with women and I wonder how long this will play out before the truth is revealed. Great article.

  33. Julius November 5, 2015 at 6:12 pm #

    Women chase by dropping hints that they’re interested via body language, bumping into you by “accident”, etc. She opens the door for you but you have to alpha or “chase” her by simply taking her out somewhere. Boom that’s it.

  34. bongstar420 March 26, 2017 at 5:27 pm #

    Just wow.

    I could smell the propaganda from the first paragraph. Then came “collectivist-feminist” followed by ayn rand (alisa rosenbaum)


    What is my prize? To I get to start my next fire with fountainhead or atlas shrugged?


  1. Stop Chasing - May 22, 2012

    […] Random Indian (source) Hey Anthony. I’ve commented here before under a few different user names (that I’ve since […]

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